When you are going through a separation or divorce, it can seem as though you have little control over the direction your life is taking, and when there are children involved, one or both of the partners involved can become resentful at the breakup of the family. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, a family breaking up is always going to be difficult, but if steps are taken to separate amicably, the process, and the future of the family, can be greatly improved.
Here are our top tips for an amicable separation:
1. Choose your reason
You can evidence that your marriage has broken down irretrievably in 4 ways:-
That you have been separated for one year and both parties consent to the divorce;
That you have been separated for two years in which case, no consent is required;
On the basis of unreasonable behaviour; or
On the basis of adultery.
The process of divorce can be emotionally draining. To limit your exposure to stress, the best approach is to make strategic instead of emotional decisions. This will help your sanity and your bank balance. You may have grounds for adultery, but if two years have passed between the period of separating and raising divorce proceedings, the cheapest and most efficient route would be to divorce on that basis and to leave any need for recognition of your spouse’s adulterous behaviour to another arena.
2. Be focused
Divorce proceedings should be outcome focused. The objectives are: to get divorced; to regulate any financial provision on divorce; and typically, to regulate the residence and contact of any children under 16. A divorce is not the forum to vent emotional frustrations or to be swayed by emotional needs; emotional satisfaction is desirable, but it is not a key objective.
3. Be parents first
No matter how you feel about one another, your children will always come first, so even if you find it difficult to deal with one another, putting your differences aside to discuss your children’s future will always mean a better outcome for them.
Divorce is an adversarial process, but in reality, it has to be a collaborative one when it comes to parenting and making decisions about children in the context of a divorce. It is about what works best for the children, not the adults. Achieving an amicable divorce will always be better for your children.
4. Get your finances in order
When divorcing, you should be aware you will need to provide a lot of financial information. It’s always best to collate this information as soon as possible in the process to avoid unnecessary last-minute stress. Take photos of receipts as you go, and save them on your phone in a budget folder. You will be glad that you did when you are asked to provide a schedule of your income and expenditure.
5. Get the help you need
Divorce is draining, stressful and complicated, but having an understanding expert on your side can help make a big difference. At Gibson Kerr, our team of family law experts understand no two situations are the same and we’re here to help guide you through the process to ensure the best possible outcome. For a no-obligation chat, get in touch by emailing fiona.rasmusen@gibsonkerr.co.uk or by telephone on 0131 226 9161.
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